Life of Goosey
by Lady Cocoa
Summary: Pi finds my friend, "Goosey," on a certain island, sleeping, and asks her for help. What happens when Pi gives her a dollar? Will she go to a vending machine? Will she buy a chocolate bar? WILL SHE FINALLY GET TO EAT IT! Crackfic! Part two of the One Hundred Oneshots series.


**Welcome to part 2 of the One Hundred Oneshots series! This story is based around my friend, "Goosey," and what would happen if she suddenly popped up in ****Life of Pi****. Enjoy!**

**Full Summary: Pi finds my friend, "Goosey," on a certain island, sleeping, and asks her for help. What happens when Pi gives her a dollar? Will she go to a vending machine? Will she buy a chocolate bar? WILL SHE FINALLY GET TO EAT IT?! Crackfic! Part 2 of the One Hundred Oneshots series.**

Pi practically dove into the sweet water, cupping it in his hands and drinking like a wild animal. Once he had his fill, Pi stood up and took in his surroundings. It was all jungle around the clearing, and hundreds of meerkats stood unmoving by the water bank. And there, about 20 yards away… What was that?

Was that… a person?

It was, in fact, a person. To be more specific, a pretty girl about 13, with brown, curly hair that ended at her chin and framed a heart-shaped face. Her eyes weren't visible, because, for some reason, her eyelids were closed. And this was because she was sleeping. Loud snores could be heard emitting from her mouth as she breathed.

Pi didn't want to disturb the girl's slumber, but he was thrilled at the idea of the company of another human. "Hello?" he said anyways. "Where am I? Can you help me?"

Her eyes fluttered open. She was, obviously, not pleased. Her face clearly held an expression that read, "Go away." However, her mouth stayed shut.

After a few moments of silence, Pi repeated, "Can you help me?"

The girl thought hard for a second. She stood up, placing her hands on her hips. "Do you have any money?"

He widened his eyes in surprise. She wanted money? They were on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere, and she wanted _money_? He dug an American dollar out of his pocket, but paused. "Well, hand it over!" the girl exclaimed. Pi did so reluctantly.

She then walked over to a vending machine that hadn't been there a second ago and punched in a few numbers. Pi blinked. _Where had that machine come from?_ he thought. His mouth began to water at the sight of so much food in one spot.

The girl slipped Pi's money into the vending machine and out popped a Hershey's chocolate bar. She casually unwrapped it an tossed a piece into her mouth. The vending machine disappeared. "Okay," she said. "Now we can talk."

_About an hour later…_

"So, let me get this straight," the girl stated. "You're a guy from India that was on a ship with a bunch of zoo animals…" She waited for Pi to nod his head in conformation. "The ship sunk, and you were the only survivor, along with a hyena, a zebra, and an orangutan floating on a crate of oranges." Pi nodded his head again.

"Then the hyena kills the orangutan and zebra. Suddenly, a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker jumps out of nowhere and kills the hyena. One storm, a thousand flying fish, a million jellyfish in a glowing sea, and one giant blue whale later, here you are.

"I'm not buying it."

He sighed. "Well, that's what happened. To tell it any differently would be a lie." His curiosity still burning, he asked, "And again, I ask: where am I?"

The girl, who Pi had been told names' was Goosey (it's just a nickname, people), shrugged. "Don't know. I just woke up one morning on this island next to a stash of money. I've been using it for the vending machine ever since."

Pi frowned. If this girl didn't know where she was, how could either of them find their way to home (or the mainland, at least). His eyes scoured the tree they were sitting in front of for Richard Parker, still afraid, even if the tiger would most likely eat the meerkats, which were easier prey, instead.

"Well, even if neither of us know where we are, two heads are better than one," he said, using the old English saying. Goosey began to climb down from the tree, as nimble and agile as a monkey would.

She plopped herself onto the ground, wincing when she hit the ground too hard. "Okay," Goosey said. "If that's the case, than we should go looking for food. I'm all out of money, so the vending machine is not an option. You can go hunt meerkats and stuff, 'cause I'm scared to death of blood, and I can get berries or something." Pi widened his eyes. Even though he had eaten fish aboard that raft, he was still a vegan.

Goosey, in response to his started reaction, mumbled "Or we can both gather plants."

Pi smiled, saying "I like that idea much better." So off they went, looking for anything that seemed remotely edible. Goosey picked up some wild strawberries and a few roots from dandelions. They could be boiled and eaten, but still tasted really bad (I know, I've tried it). Pi found nothing but more meerkats, which were beginning to look very tasty. His stomach growled. _I should have asked Goosey for that chocolate bar_, he thought.

Just before sunset, they met up at the ponds. "You got _nothing_?" Goosey questioned. Pi shrugged. "I only found meerkats," he said.

"You should have captured them or something!"

"I'm a vegetarian!"

Goosey signed and face-palmed herself. "Well,_ I'm _not!" she protested. She walked away, all huffy. A few seconds later the young girls noticed the setting sun and came back, running. Pi noticed Goosey was barefoot, and wondered why.

Almost running the poor boy over, Goosey grabbed his arm and started running towards a random tree. Richard Parker dashed past the duo, his legs working as if he was running from something. He might have well as been. The tiger leaped into the lifeboat, his fearful eyes searching for movement.

Goosey continued to drag Pi towards the tree, muttering to herself. He tripped over a rock, but that wouldn't slow down Goosey. He was underweight from weeks aboard the lifeboat, anyways.  
"Come on!" Goosey shouted. She climbed up the long, sturdy branches until she was 10 feet up. Pi followed, wondering what all this commotion was about.

Almost as if on cue, bolts of brown fur began to run toward the trees. Within seconds, the area around the ponds was empty. Pi, wanting to be in the trees when the meerkats attacked, or whatever they were doing, obeyed and followed Goosey into the tree. "What…" he began, but quieted when Goosey shushed him.

A few minutes later, darkness enveloped the island. Although the meerkats chatter stayed consistent, neither of the only humans on that island made an attempt to break the awkward silence. Goosey wanted Pi to watch, and he was anxious to see what would unfold.

They sat on a tree branch, meerkats crawling all over the place. One of them nestled itself in Goosey's hair, but she pulled it out swiftly.

Suddenly, bubbles began to arise to the pond's surface. Some of them popped instantly when they reached the surface, and some of them lingered.

The first fish to reach the surface was a yellow-tailed snapper. It would have made a nice meal if it wasn't killed by acid and most likely toxic.

Goosey leaned into the tree trunk, exhausted and prepared to get a good night's sleep. She was just about to close her eyes when she disappeared.

"Goosey?" Pi called out. "Where did you go?" There was no response.

In the distance, a dark figure slapped itself in the face, shaking its head. It kicked a rock in frustration and disappeared.

**R&R! And three guesses who that guy was?**

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**V**


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